Having my Cake...&&& eating it too

Some claim that this is impossible to do
but what is true is that nothing is impossible
&&& with all things being possible then this too can come true
.....oh but only in an oh so perfect world....
can a woman live in confusion....and be caught up in a whirl...
confused about what comes next....and what she really wants....
doing what makes her feel good...never having to front...
coming and going as she pleases....no one's feelings being hurt
saying what she wants to whoever..openly being a proud flirt
deciding I feel for both of you...so both of you I must have
deciding each of you must give to me only...even though that may make you sad
you aren't my one and only but I gotta be yours
if not...I may just shut and lock all the doors
that lead to my heart...b/c I DON'T WANT TO BE HURT
but what about me?.....and all my dirt?
.....ob but only in an oh so perfect world....
do doves cry...and men actually understand what it means to be a woman...
only do i understand what it means to be my father's child...when i'm torn between...
a man...and a past....and a love...that i was so sure would last...and that has...
but b/c of me...its struggling....so sure i knew how to set things free....
not sure of how to let life go...and move on with things...acting like i know..
whats best for you &&& me....when i really don't....
i won't...
i won't...
i won't...
continue to hurt you dear friend...as i struggle to make these feelings come to an end
i will not continue to deceive you...my heart...as i lie and tell you that everything has fallen apart....
am i too sentimental....
or am i just too real
do i let everything get to me....
or am i just acknowledging how i feel..
i want my cake....but i want to eat it too.....
tell me....what am i supposed to do???