I haven't taken the time to write in a very long time... a part of me feels like I may even be afraid to do so... it's been so long... sometimes I even doubt the validity of calling myself a "writer"....
A "writer"... what does that even mean? How is it defined...I'm sure no one can truly say... which is typically the case w/ any given word or phrase... I am acknowledging my fear of writing... of trying... of opening myself up to being vulnerable to my thoughts... my wordly creations... giving in is easier said than done... writing is speaking.... only silently.... catharsis... w/out the awkward attention paid to diction... writing is too much of a release.. to do lightly anyway... when you write, you have to mean it... otherwise.. what's the point?
Another interesting detail that I have noticed about [my] writing is that it must be triggered... often by {negative} affect... sadly...if all is well, creation is lacking.. heavily... I guess it is true... out of destruction comes creation... personally I think it just may work the other way around as well... regardless... my ability to write [well] only seems to exist when a trigger is presented... when I try to write w/ a lack of a trigger... it is... often... incoherent... obsolete... bland... & lacking passion... I wonder why... proof that I am driven by my emotions &&& NOT my thoughts... guess I don't know how to execute I over E as effectively as I thought.... [revelations]..?
The more I write... the more I learn about myself... I realize often that I compromise who I am for the sake of maintaining relationships... but if I have to do that, is a relationship actually worth maintaining?... I wonder...the real challenge of life is accepting others exactly as they are... & being yourself so others have the opportunity to accept you exactly as YOU are...the fear that accompanies that challenge often conquers the task itself.. making it impossible to complete....
[[2 B Con't]]
**unfinished post**
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
:)
